So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
