I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
