I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
