Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
