I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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