I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
