he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
