I must be too annoying 4 u.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
