I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
