I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
