Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
