She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
