I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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