im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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