hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
