You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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