Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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