i need an iv and a liver transplant
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize