Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize