You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
