I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
