i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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