Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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