I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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