turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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