Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
