I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
