i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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