Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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