I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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