p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
