in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Floor bacon is actually really good
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
