Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Holy shit dude........stairs
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
