Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
