She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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