what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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