Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
