Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
