Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
