I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize