i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
