John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
