my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
