Your dad touched me again.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
