he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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