My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
