Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
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