he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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