She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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