i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
