please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
