New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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