haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
