i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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