There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
