I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
