Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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