I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize