We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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