id be glad to
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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