are you still at the devil's house?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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