Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
