If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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