I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
