Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
