oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
