I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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