Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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