HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
