Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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