So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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