I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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