Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
