Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
