I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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