So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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