I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
