if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You took a bar mat shot.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize
