You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
