kristin has been a bad kristin
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I don't deserve a penis
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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