He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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